Everyone Loves Sandwiches

Erin and I have been friends since we were 7 years old. We were in the same Girl Scout troupe and then my family moved down the street from hers when I was 9. I guess it's actually misleading to say that we were friends when we were 7--I really couldn't stand her. She was really weird; always talking like Steve Urkel saying "Did I do that?" Plus her favorite New Kid on the Block was Danny who was/ still is the ugliest guy in boy band history. I mostly teased her and called her names until we graduated from middle school. She decided to go to Catholic high school and I was off the public HS. It was then that I realized how much I actually loved her. Keep in mind that she became a little less strange in the time that passed. We've been inseparable ever since. We lived on the same street, worked at the same Barnes and Noble, performed in the same shows, went to each other's proms and then both set off to Boston for College. She is as expected at Milligan family events as I am.
Erin is currently a high school history teacher and has been since she graduated BU in 2005. While student teaching Erin was at a school where the lower level students (those with learning and/or developmental disabilities) were taught life skills and made and served breakfast sandwiches before school. From that point on she referred to all students at this level as "sandwich makers." Often the "sandwich makers" also came with several behavioral issues which Erin, as a teacher, would have to deal with. Erin often talks about these special students with hate in her heart (so it's only right that she gets it out).
A few weeks ago Erin started seeing a new guy. She seemed optimistic. They went out on a couple of dates, had a good time, took a walk on the beach and did some smooching. A few nights ago Erin decided to have this guy over for dinner at her place so she could show off her cooking skills and introduce the new guy to the other man in her life, her cat, Petey. While she was preparing dinner the guy noticed her work schedule left out from her lesson planning and inquired as to what Level 4 was. Erin broke into a rant about sandwich makers, going on and on about the many difficulties she has dealing with them. The new guy then explained that he was in Level 4 in high school. Ah. Well, thought Erin, that explains a lot. The guy went on to say that he eventually worked his way into normal classes and so was not offended by what Erin had ranted about. To which Erin, who apparently can't take a hint, responded, "Well had you been in those classes all through high school you wouldn't have understood enough to be offended." Now that was exactly what I was thinking when she relayed this story to me but even I would not have said it out loud. I don't think they are going to see each other again. Unless, of course, Erin is looking for a breakfast sandwich.

It's Not Easy Being Mean

Apparently lately I have been struggling to hide my distaste for those around me. Bill and I were at Friendly's the other day and there was this totally white trashy family sitting to our right. You know the type, 400 lb mom, 75 lb dad, 3 kids all dressed in their best sweatpants. Two of the three little girls looked like orphans in Annie only without the charm. When the kids were done eating they were just kind of allowed to run around the table, then the baby was removed from the high chair and the smaller raggamuffin decided to climb into it and sit there. Bill had to ask me at least five times to stop scowling at them, but I really couldn't help it. Then today I was driving through the parking lot in front of Target and I stopped at the walkway so a family could walk safely to their car when I noticed how homely the mother was. At first I thought that maybe she had cancer and was undergoing chemo because it looked like her hair had fallen out but as I got closer I saw that, in fact, she was just ugly. And I had to fight the urge to roll down the window and point that out to her husband. "Excuse me sir. Your wife is very unattractive. From a distance it appears as if she was being kept and tortured as a prisoner-of-war. In fact, I thought I saw her in Schindler's List--she was NOT on the list. She is very unfortunate looking." And then I would drive away. What makes a person think like that? And further more, what makes me think that I should share those thoughts? Maybe I should talk to a professional or start doing stand-up. But is it funny that I really feel that way? I don't know.

G as in Gnat

At work we often have to call other stores to get things for clients because our inventory is a joke. So today I thought it would make it more fun to ask for sizes by using silent letters like so, "I'm looking for a Madison in 36G as in gnat in black." It's also fun when you say 38J as in jalapeno or 32E as in Elle. It works with other letters too for example P as in pterodactyl. Mostly I had to write this down so that Natalie could not take credit for it. Speaking of Natalie today she told me I needed more substenance in my diet. Apparently this is a combination of sustenance and substance. She asked if combining words was part of being dyslexic, I gently explained that it is part of being retarded.

The Hunger Games

I tend to fall in love with fictional literary characters and then go into a depression after I have read all of the books in the series. Currently I am particularly low as I am without Sookie Stackhouse (this is hard on so many levels as I have read all of the chronicles and short stories and the show won;t be back until next summer), Mickael Blomkvist and Lisbeth Salander (Stieg Larsson went so far as to die to avoid writing any more of these books), Henry VIII and Elizabeth I (Philippa Gregory has moved on to the War of the Roses and I've read those too but they're not as juicy as the Tudors' stories) and now I am without Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mallark and Gale Hawthorne. You should really read these books--they are so fabulous. If you are not familiar with the story allow me to catch you up. The world has changed dramatically due to an environmental disaster which caused the coasts to flood thereby shrinking North America. The United States is now knows as Panem and it is divided into the ruling Capitol and 12 subservient districts. 75 years ago during the "Dark Days" the districts revolted against the Capitol and lost. To remind the people of the districts of the absolute power of the Capitol and to punish them for their revolution the Capitol established "The Hunger Games." Every year there is a reaping in the districts in which 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl, between the ages of 12 and 18 are chosen to compete in a fight to the death. 24 children are chosen and only 1 can survive as they are forced to kill each other or be killed by the many traps, mutts (lab made monsters and harsh environmental conditions in the arena. I don't want to give away anything in the books so I won't go into anymore detail. The characters are so amazing. The author is amazingly descriptive despite her short prose. I flew through all three books in about 1 week. I should have spread it out further so I wouldn't be so lonely right now. I'm seriously considering Katniss or Everdeen as at least a middle name for a daughter--seriously she's that great. I, myself, would like to learn how to shoot a bow and arrow. I laughed, I cried, I stayed up to all hours of the night finishing each book. I almost missed my stop on the T more than once. How will I ever replace her?

S'il Vous Plait (Natalie Strikes Again)

The other day Natalie ever so graciously offered to pick up lunch at B. Good. So I wrote down my order on a post-it:
Chicken Sandwich w/ cheddar cheese and avocado
sweet potato fries
coke
S'il Vous Plait
About ten minutes later Natalie calls and says, "Hey, Jen what is the sil voos plate? They don't have that, the guys doesn't know what I'm talking about."
My response: Are you serious?
Natalie: ...
Me: Did you ask the guy for that?
Natalie: yeah, what does it mean?
Me: Oh man. S'il vous plait is French for please.
Natalie: I'm an idiot.
Me: Yup.
A few minutes later Natalie comes back with the food looking a little embarrassed. So I asked her what she told the guy and she said she told him that no one answered the phone. Goo.