Things Natalie Says

My friend Natalie is a classic. She's the sunshine in my day because everything she says is hilarious. She also thinks that she is the first person to say a catch phrase that then catches on. Since this is the first of what I am sure will be a lot of posts about Natalie, I will catch all of you up.
Things Natalie thinks she made up:
Done and Done
-esque which she says is the new "ish" but she combines the two so it's esque-ish
40 is the new 30 is the new 20
I don't like your tone
Things I will give Natalie credit for
HATRED!
mashuganuts (Natalie thought that this was the correct word for macadamia nuts)
Words Natalie frequently misuses
egregious (she seems to think it means irrelevant)
agreeance (go to urbandictionary.com and look up agreeance)

Yesterday Natalie told me that no man would buy the milk if he was getting the cow for free.

Stay tuned for more from Natalie.

Face Punch Drive-Thru

So what if there was a drive-thru where you could order a person to punch in the face.
For example, "Welcome to Face Punch Drive Thru, how can I help you?"
"I would like a middle-aged white lady to punch in the face."
"Please check the screen to make sure I got that right."
"Yup, that looks fine. A middle-aged white lady."
"Great that will be $25.95, please drive thru."

Then you drive to the first window to pay and at the second window a middle aged white lady sticks her face out and you punch it. Granted, this is not a great job, but times is tough folks.

Just a thought.

**No middle-aged white women were harmed in the writing of this post.

I Like Your Other Nipples

I have a little growth on my shoulder and this morning my husband, Bill, and I were guessing at what it might be. I suggested that it might be a nubbin (Friends reference) and he suddenly became very concerned and said, "No, I like your other nipples much better."

Help me Out Here

What's with people "trying to get pregnant?" As far as I can tell it's really easy, in fact, I have friends who have done it on accident. I am also told that when you're not trying is when it happens. I think this is a really strange way to tell your friends that your getting laid. The real question is, why is everyone telling me? Do I look curious? I have been married for less than a year so leave me alone. My husband and I are children, we don't need any running around, trying to play with our toys and taking away attention from us. Don't get me wrong I like kids, I also like when they go home.

This is kind of great

Every time I think of something I can write it down here I love that. You will all greatly benefit from my thoughts I can assure you. But don't get used to having this many postings in a day, I'll probably get sick of this very soon plus I have a job so.

Thank You

I rarely get sentimental, which I am sure can be very disheartening for those around me. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people who make me happy everyday. I don't often (or ever) say it but I love you. If you're the kind of person who needs this kind of affirmation then you know who you are.

A Funny thing that just happened

After I published that last post, an ad for google ads popped up about Boston weddings. That's why human beings need to handle advertising.

A funny thing I heard today

I was listening to Howard Stern (every time I'm in the car I'm listening to Howard Stern btw) and he was talking about gay wedding ceremonies (not wedding ceremonies that are lame but those that involve homosexuals tying the knot). Apparently one of the couples on the Real L Word are planning their wedding and want to have a traditional wedding. So Howard was commenting on the fact that right from the get-go it's not traditional because it's two ladies getting married. Howard's point was that they should do something different, something unique. He then said (and this is funny part) that if he was gay and getting married that he would be shot out of a cannon. He would start a new tradition, a new homosexual wedding tradition to celebrate his marriage. He then went on to say that (and this is really funny) he would be shot out of a cannon into his betrothed's asshole. So the new gay wedding tradition would be getting shot out of a cannon into the asshole of your beloved. yes.

You're Wasting Your Brain

A good friend of mine recently told me that I was wasting my brain. She meant this as a compliment (I think); she was telling me that I was not living up to my potential in my current situation (I think). She really wasn't telling me anything I don't already know, but it somehow resonated with me. She advised me to start a blog and since she is so hard to ignore, here we are. Other names I bounced around for this blog:

F my Life (taken)

I'd Rather be Sleeping (too depressing)

Things I Hate (too obvious)

Sunshine and Rainbows (sarcasm doesn't translate well when written)

I'm sure you're dying to learn a little bit more about me. I'm a 27-year-old, recently married, underemployed female living in Boston, MA (Go Sox!--people expect me to say shit like that). I have 2 adopted dogs Sophie and Lola whom I love more than a person should love a dog. To say that my life is good would be boring and to tell you the truth, an outright lie. I mean, when you put it in perspective I guess my life is really good but compared to people who are homeless, impoverished or dying--most people can say that. I'm not trying to compare myself to anyone else because I am the only me and about 15 times a day I say, out loud, F my life. Not to say I don't have good moments--I'm a good time to be around. I love to laugh almost as much as I like to make people laugh. Lea Michelle said it best this past season on Glee, "I'm like TinkerBell, I need applause to live." Or something to that effect. I think that I will not be happy (or at least I won't admit to it) until I have a satisfying career. I had a satisfying career for a while when I lived in LA. I was mostly happy then. Except that I spent a lot of time hating LA (there's not much to like). Maybe I'm a downer. Currently, LA looks swell. The weather was nice, I had a good job that I was doing really well at, my now husband had a pretty good job. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence but it just looks to me like the grass on my side is covered in poo.