Conversations About the Baby

Being first time parents is a really incredible experience. There is so much to learn on a daily basis. Everyday you are faced with new situations (the baby peed in his hair, the baby threw up on my face, the baby is screaming for no apparent reason, the baby's poop is orange etc.) A nurse at the hospital (perhaps imprudently) told us that he is our baby and so we can do whatever we want with him (except shake him, they made it very clear that we should not shake him). Since then many questions have arisen (can we take the baby to the bar? how much profanity is too much profanity? do you think watching all of these Dexter episodes with the baby will saddle him with his own "dark passenger?") Here are some actual conversations we have had about the baby.

Breastfeeding
Nurse: Make sure you are comfortable and relaxed. Don't hunch over. Hold his head and bring him to you.
Bill: It's not working.
Nurse: Be patient and keep working on it.
Jen: Maybe he's just more of an ass-man.
Bill: HAHAHA
Nurse: What was that?
Jen: Um, so hold his head like this?

Changing Diapers
Bill: Every time I change his diaper he pees all over the place. Yesterday he got me twice.
Jen: Use the pee pee teepees, that's what they are there for.
Bill: I can't use the pee pee teepees because they're too small.
Jen: ?? Bill, you know that his balls aren't supposed to go in the pee pee teepee, right? He doesn't pee out of his balls
Bill: Wait a minute. Are you saying that he doesn't pee out of his balls?
Jen: Do you pee out of your balls?
Bill: No, but maybe it's something you grow out of. But I guess that doesn't make sense because what do baby girls pee out of?

Late Night Feedings
Bill: Do you wanna spoon to help you get back to sleep?
Jen: How would a spoon help me get to sleep?
Bill: ...?
Jen: Ooohh, cuddle spoon. Right. That didn't make any sense. I mean, why not a fork?
Bill: You know, if you need to get more sleep I can always get up and give him a bottle.

Epic TV Watching

Jen: I hate how much time we have spent not watching The Wire today.

Bill: (whistling The Farmer in the Dell to Henry) That's your Uncle Omar.

Bill: You know we have watched over 120 hours of television in the last 6 weeks?
Jen: That only includes The Wire and Dexter. You are leaving out two full seasons of Gigolos.


I really look forward to having and sharing more of these little gems in the near future.